It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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