I hope mine doesn't look like that
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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