why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
