After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
