She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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