That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
