If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
