Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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