he puts the penis in happiness.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
be right there i have to get my cape
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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