check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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