last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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