He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
