She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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