it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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