HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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