i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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