i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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