I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
