He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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