When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
