dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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