My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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