Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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