I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
