I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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