I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
