There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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