Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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