So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
