So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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