If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
