just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
