Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's never too late to be topless.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
