nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
