we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
