My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
