If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
