i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
