I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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