there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
