I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
