Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
