My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You made out with two different species that night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
