Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
