look no pants
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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