My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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