I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
