I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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