I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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