even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
