Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
