I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ttyl tear gas
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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