thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
