I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
