weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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