i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
