I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
