I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
