I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
