I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
