apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
