Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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