after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You are the jesus of drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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