if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
