i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
