I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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