I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
