did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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