btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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