I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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