Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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