Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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