My hand turned me down
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
