guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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