i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
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