I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
