get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Im part way to drunk.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
