Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize