i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
