every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
