I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
