guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
