dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
