i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
