Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
