Umm I'm too high to move.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
