If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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