Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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