We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
