Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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