im drinking this country out of the recession.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
