I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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