well you can't waste a boner
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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