I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
