Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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