Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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